Monday, May 28, 2012

Wife, Mom and the Ministry of God

The sun shines and my eyes barely open..."what time is it?...", it's 5mins before 8:00am. It is still early, taking a bath would only take 20mins... I can still get some more sleep...Church would start by 9am and it is only 10 mins away... clock snoozed...

30 mins later...

Rush to the bath room, take a bath for 15 mins, grab a dress, fix my hair, look at the mirror, take 3 rounds to my room and out change my outfit, look at the mirror and grab a pair of shoes, text/face the mirror while waiting for the time, look at the mirror then leave. Arrive at Church, prepare for the Sunday Service as a back-up or Worship Leader...

That was my sunday life, 3 years ago, no responsibilities, it's just me and myself. But everything changed when I became a Mom...

No More Me...

The sun shines and my eyes barely open, no need to know what time it is, as long as I can see that ray of light striking my bed as if saying it is time to get up. No more snoozing (though sometimes I really can't help it), no more going back to sleep.First things first, clean the feeding bottles, take a bath, wake up my hubby and baby, iron the clothes that they are going to use (sometimes it includes mine), dress my baby, put on my Sunday clothes, prepare the bag with all my baby's needs while brushing my hair, look at the mirror, grab my shoes and then leave. Arrive at Church, sit as an ordinary member, or sometimes stay in the Children's room because my baby wont let me leave his sight. 

It was a drastic change that it had been a tough transition. Being a Mom is accepting that life is not about you any more, it is now about your family. From mine to their, from me to them. It takes so much time for me to accept that I have to surrender most of my own happiness for the happiness of my family.

I became so Spiritually drained, because everything that I had when I was single have been gone little by little. I can't sing my praises without being disturbed by my baby asking for his milk. I can't attend the Music Ministry practice without looking at the time and rushing back home because I need to prepare our dinner.

How can I serve You now?

I came to the point of giving up, and letting my Spiritual life go drain itself. Then a huge wave of trials came in, physical and spiritual struggles join hand in hand that I decided to give up my ministries to give way to my family and face all my struggles. I got this thought, "maybe being a Mom and God's servant wont really go well".

Deep inside me is a woman thirsty for God's ministries, crying and filled with sadness and bitterness. Inside me is a woman trying to escape the life I am in that moment, hoping that I can turn back my time and enjoy being me and myself again. 

With great sadness and bitterness I asked God, is this what you want for me? To become 
nothing? To become another ordinary member of this Church? Without knowing that God is teaching me something I must know.

Discovering my New Ministry

God gave me enough time to calm myself. He gave me space so I can clear my mind. He gave me courage to face my struggles and provided me the solutions. He gave me peace of mind and cleans my heart with bitterness. He did it and let His grace flow freely from my heart to my mind and made me see the ministry that he entrusted to me 3 years ago. A ministry that I neglected and sometimes rejected... The ministry of being a Mom and Wife.

Many women and Moms to be exact were called to minister in the Church and most of the time forgets to minister in their own family. Let us keep in our hearts that our Family also came from our Lord, and that he also dwells in the midst of it. Neglecting them or putting it behind everything else aside from God would ruin it and you as well.

As a Mom, Wife and follower of Christ, I urge you to embrace the ministry of being a Godly wife and Mom to your family. Be the wife that God wants you to be and see how the grace of God flows within every single member of your household and with their mouths they will declare that a Godly wife is a real treasure every husband can ever have.
"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies" Proverbs 31:10

Thursday, May 24, 2012

"REBUKE" - it is now clearer to me than ever

Recently, I received a message from God saying that I've hurt the lives of those people that I once rebuked. Well, I refused to accept what that little voice in my head is saying, thinking that I did it for their own good. If I did not do it they won't stop with their mistakes.

In the bible there are so many verses that states about Rebuking others, and I strongly believed that if there's something to rebuke it should be rebuked or else it will not be corrected.

It is true that God permits us to rebuke one another, but often I forgot that it is not just about rebuking, it is to rebuke with LOVE.

Yes, and that is what I missed, LOVE.


I was once an active member of our small church. During that time being in a Ministry is one of my happiness or should I say treasured possession. I became a part of the Music Ministry, Youth Ministry, Finance Ministry and Dance Ministry. I was even promoted as our church Youth Pastor/Elder. WHOOOAAAH!!! too much right? In a small church where I've been, if they can see how committed you are to one ministry you will surely get more, and that is what happened to me. Yet I am happy about it, because for me Serving God through these ministries is a great privilege.

I have learned so much and together with that my eyes were opened so wide that I can see everything that my breathrens are doing and not doing. My eye became so focused of those Christian misconducts and I despise it. I have this thought in mind that if I as a person despise what they are doing what more with GOD?

So I started rebuking, rebuking, and more rebuking... until my heart was filled with agony and hatred...

Eyes Widely Open but Blinded

Yes, God made me see things that I don't usually see. He made me see other people's fault. I know there's a big reason why God did that, and in my head I thought God wants me to rebuke them all. My head grew so big as my eyes were opened. I became self-righteous, I forgot I am also a sinner. I got my eyes blinded to my own mistakes. Until one day, instead of loving my breathrens, I started hating them for their wrong doings.

Then I asked God, "God, please close my eyes once again so that I will not see their mistakes. I am better that way..."

But I did not listen well to His response, not until recently with a clear loud voice through Frank Viola's blog How (Not) to Correct Another Christian, I was awakened.

Field Full of Sinners

Jesus came not for the righteous, but for the sinners (Luke 5:32) and I am one of them. One day all of us (sinners who repented) will gather under His throne to praise Him and give thanks for saving us and for taking up our sins on the Cross for our Salvation. 

Yes, it is our duty to look after one another, but that is, as brothers and sisters who were all sinners but LOVED and SAVED by our Saviour Jesus Christ. To rebuke with LOVE and HUMBLENESS is what I am supposed to do and that is what God meant when He opened these eyes.

Now this verse is clearer than ever:

"An open rebuke is better than hidden love!" Proverbs 27:5 

Friday, May 11, 2012

When can I Worship You again?

It's been a long time since the last time stand in front of the congregation to lead the Sunday Worship. Singing on the top of my voice, leading those people young and old, dancing like there's no tomorrow and everything. I miss my previous Music Ministry team. I miss Leading.

Then one night while cooking for dinner I mentioned this thought to my husband and he threw a big question.

Do you miss Worship Leading or you just got used to doing it that's why you miss it?

hmmmm... I paused for a while after that, like thinking duh!?.. what's the difference? but honestly I had a hard time answering it.

Looking back at my first post about remembering God in the days of your youth, I remember encouraging the Youth of our Church to serve God while they are young, for them to get used to it, that their souls would crave for it if ever they got lost or out of track and that craving will surely bring them back to God's feet.

A glass of Cold Water

Today's weather is so hot, isn't it soothing to touch that cold glass and be refreshed once you got those water running to your mouth down, ahhh! but then you find yourself in a desert and there's nothing but sand? Your saliva thickens, then it dries up and you can't find any water to drink? Awful right?

That is how I feel now (not literally though... hehe!) Spiritually. I am craving for that moment, for that chance, for that opportunity to give my Praises and Worship through singing. I am craving for that feeling that I get each time I sing at the top of my voice. I am craving for the touch of the Holy Spirit when the song starts playing. I am craving for it and want to have it back once again....

That Stupid Loud Voice!

There goes that voice in my head, "well, your ministry don't miss you", "you are not actually craving for it, you want attention", "you actually miss that attention you receive when you are up there"

It may sound weird, but I hope someone can relate to me.... That loud voice is the reason why I gave up my ministry and that same loud voice is ringing in my head that night the big question was given... satan really knows how to ruin everything and if you are not careful enough you might find yourself bitten by his lies.

My Hero

Well, good thing I got my Hero to the rescue. He never ever fails to do that each time that stupid voice came in. God's love reminds me of His plan and purpose, He came just in time. I almost forgot, why am I really here at this craving now. It is because He missed me, not me as a Worship Leader but as a Worshiper.

To give Him Praise and Honor doesn't mean to be in front. I can still Worship at the top of my lungs if I will just let myself get drowned from His love and to become a Worship Leader again... it is not yet the right time. He is still moulding me to my finest.