It's been a long time since the last time stand in front of the congregation to lead the Sunday Worship. Singing on the top of my voice, leading those people young and old, dancing like there's no tomorrow and everything. I miss my previous Music Ministry team. I miss Leading.
Then one night while cooking for dinner I mentioned this thought to my husband and he threw a big question.
Do you miss Worship Leading or you just got used to doing it that's why you miss it?
hmmmm... I paused for a while after that, like thinking duh!?.. what's the difference? but honestly I had a hard time answering it.
Looking back at my first post about remembering God in the days of your youth, I remember encouraging the Youth of our Church to serve God while they are young, for them to get used to it, that their souls would crave for it if ever they got lost or out of track and that craving will surely bring them back to God's feet.
A glass of Cold Water
Today's weather is so hot, isn't it soothing to touch that cold glass and be refreshed once you got those water running to your mouth down, ahhh! but then you find yourself in a desert and there's nothing but sand? Your saliva thickens, then it dries up and you can't find any water to drink? Awful right?
That is how I feel now (not literally though... hehe!) Spiritually. I am craving for that moment, for that chance, for that opportunity to give my Praises and Worship through singing. I am craving for that feeling that I get each time I sing at the top of my voice. I am craving for the touch of the Holy Spirit when the song starts playing. I am craving for it and want to have it back once again....
That Stupid Loud Voice!
There goes that voice in my head, "well, your ministry don't miss you", "you are not actually craving for it, you want attention", "you actually miss that attention you receive when you are up there"
It may sound weird, but I hope someone can relate to me.... That loud voice is the reason why I gave up my ministry and that same loud voice is ringing in my head that night the big question was given... satan really knows how to ruin everything and if you are not careful enough you might find yourself bitten by his lies.
Well, good thing I got my Hero to the rescue. He never ever fails to do that each time that stupid voice came in. God's love reminds me of His plan and purpose, He came just in time. I almost forgot, why am I really here at this craving now. It is because He missed me, not me as a Worship Leader but as a Worshiper.
To give Him Praise and Honor doesn't mean to be in front. I can still Worship at the top of my lungs if I will just let myself get drowned from His love and to become a Worship Leader again... it is not yet the right time. He is still moulding me to my finest.