I once desired to be God's servant during my baby Christian days. I want to be one of God's singer, like to be a part of God's Music Ministry. During those times, I had no idea of what it's like to be God's servant, all I know is I love music, I've been a choir member in my school, and I want to be one of the choir members of my church. Why? Because it looks so cool and I have a crush on one of the choir members.
Have you seen my motives there? A not so Christ like motive right?
Yeah, I hate to admit it, but that is the truth and that truth is somehow still running in my blood as of the moment.
5 years ago we moved to another church and there I was given an opportunity to be God's Song Leader... (quite a big jump huh?) Yah, a Song Leader of a small house church. That is the beginning of all my ministries. After that I was assigned to other ministries like Youth Ministry Leader, Treasury, then become a Youth Pastor, and Youth Elder at the same time. Whew! Quite alot of ministries huh?...
And now, I officially "Quit" from all of my ministries. :(
So, why did I "Quit"?
I decided to leave all my ministries for good... During those times of being a Servant, I don't think I have lived on the right motives at all time. Sometimes I do it because I am assigned to do it. Sometimes I do it because I want to prove something, and worst I do it because I just need to, kinda obligation for me. But don't get me wrong, there are also times I do it for the Love of Christ and our Father above together with the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
I love to be in God's ministry... I just hate the thought of not doing it purely according to God's purposes.
I love God and I want to walk according to His will, not mine. I want to win over these wrong motives in my heart and be guided and moulded by my Potter.
It hurts alot to realize these things, but I am glad that God made me realize my motives.
I believe that God's Words are true and His promises endures forever. I believe that God have that great power that can won over my wrong motives. I want to see His power working on me and I want the world to see it, not by me declaring it but by them seeing it. Just like what Jesus told the man with leprosy after healing him. (see: Mark 1:40-50)
As a clay, we must let our Potter to mould us according to His will. A good clay knows how to surrender everything to his/her Potter. A stiff and dry clay will be hard to mould, so we must let our Potter to mix us accordingly for He knows how to create a wonderful pot from a clay.
Will I be back to my ministries?
Yes, definitely and that is in God's perfect time.
Have you been in this situation? How are you doing now? Are there any advice you can give me? Your comments are very much welcome!